


nedovtipa

by eleonorastay



Category: Victorious (TV)
Genre: Angst, Beck is losing it, F/M, Friendship, Hints of Tori/Andre, I still ship it I promise, Including Jade, Not A Happy Ending, Post-breakup, and everybody is calling him out for it, mention of drunk driving, minor underage drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-05
Updated: 2019-09-05
Packaged: 2020-10-10 16:01:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20530700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eleonorastay/pseuds/eleonorastay
Summary: nedovtipa: “someone who cannot take a hint”Or, the aftermath of the Bade breakup/an explanation for Beck’s character change in seasons 3 & 4





	nedovtipa

Click!

Flicking on the lamp next to his pullout bed, Beck Oliver raked his fingers through his bedhead and peeked at the clock on the opposite wall. 2:34am. Great. School was in five-and-a-half hours, and he still hadn’t been able to trick himself into falling asleep…for the eighth day in a row.

Flicking the light off again, he rolled onto his stomach and tried to think sleepy thoughts—which basically amounted to passages he’d memorized from “Respect for Acting”, by Uta Hagan. His parents had always considered it a bizarre pick for a bedtime story, but it made complete sense to him. He’d loved that book ever since he’d received it for his eighth birthday, but it certainly wasn’t the most…suspenseful thing he’d ever read. The repetitive list of “Who am I?” “What do I want?” character analysis questions never failed to zap any energy from his body, force his mind to relax, and send him on a trip to Dreamland.

Until recently, that is.

God, what was it? The last time he’d had this much trouble sleeping was when that cricket had been stalking him, and that little nuisance was long dead and gone. School hadn’t been especially stressful, and he was positive it had nothing to do with his caffeine intake. Heck, he’d barely had a drop of coffee since he’d broken up with—

Oh.

That’s what he was missing.

The weight of her head on the other side of the pillow. Tangled black curls swarming over her pale moon of a face, hiding it from his view. That slight pinch from her fingernails grazing the skin on the back of his neck as she stirred in her sleep. The sweet yet dangerous scent of raspberries and metal that always remained long after she’d left. Her rhythmic inhale and exhale, the harmony to the monotonous melody created by the tick-tock of passing time on the wall and plip-plop of wasted water from the sink.

No wonder he couldn’t sleep—she’d been everywhere. Of course, he’d thought he’d gotten rid of the remnants of their life together weeks ago. He’d purged his RV of everything Jade-like that hadn’t been boxed up and cleared out by Cat and Tori the day after he had ended things. (Jade said she’d been too busy to do it herself, but everyone knew the real reason was that she couldn’t handle seeing him face to face after being dumped in such a humiliating manner.)

He’d forgotten that even with all of her physical stuff gone, he still had possession of all the memories. And those didn’t seem to be going away any time soon. It made him wonder if she was having the same trouble. He hadn’t spent as much time in her bedroom as she had in his, but he knew that she probably still had a bunch of his shirts and hair products at her house. And she certainly had to have kept all of the pictures they’d taken over the course of their relationship, even if it was just so she’d have something to cut up when she was feeling stressed. Of course she was missing him. Sure, she didn’t sport the gigantic under-eye circles or yawn constantly during class like he’d been doing, but Jade had always been good at hiding that kind of stuff.

Yeah, she definitely had to be having the same problem. He was sure of it. Right then, she had to be staring at the maroon ceiling of her dark and cozy bedroom, thinking about him. About them. Missing him. Maybe not him, per se, but definitely things about him. But what? Did she miss the feel of his arm around her waist? The color of his sheets? The…um…well, there had to be more. He had to have special little nuances too, right?

She couldn’t be sleeping without him.

Not possible.

“Jade?” Andre slammed his locker door shut with his elbow, almost dropping his books in the process. “We don’t talk much since you two…did what y’all did, but she seems like she’s got it together. She high-fived me the other day when I said Sinjin’s polo made him look like Steve from Blue’s Clues and Where’s Waldo had a kid.”

Beck could tell that his best friend was employing every ounce of his willpower not to add, “Why do you wanna know?” to the end of his sentence—something he definitely appreciated. Biting back his shock at the mention of Jade giving anyone a high five, the young actor rearranged his features into a casual expression. “That’s cool. I just wanted to make sure she wasn’t still mad about the breakup.”

“Jade’s always mad. But I think she’s done freaking out about that. It’s been a while, man. She’s good. I mean, she still scares the cheese out of everyone, but she’s not on a murderous rampage anymore.” Andre tilted his head in the direction of some girls from second period Lighting/Design across the hall. “If you’re still not sure, though, you could always ask Tori. She hangs out with Jade more than I do.”

Hm. Tori and Jade had never been close, but they had certainly been acting a lot friendlier lately. And Jade had definitely confided in her about their breakups before.

“Good idea. See you later, man.” Speeding up slightly, he managed to reach Tori just as she waved goodbye to her friends.

“Beck! Hey!” The brunette squeaked, eyes widening to an almost comical level.

“Hey, Tor. What’s up?”

“Nothing! I mean, nothing.” Her left eye twitched nervously.

Raising an eyebrow, he leaned against the lockers. “Are you nervous about something? You’re acting…fidgety.”

“Fidgety? Hahahahaha!” A panicky laugh exploded from between her lips. “No, no, I’m just…excited! About my next class!”

“Uh huh.” It was moments like these that made him understand where Jade was coming from when she said Tori was a terrible actress. “So, you and Jade have been hanging out a lot lately. How’s she doing?”

“FINE!” Wincing at her own obviously fabricated reply, Tori tried to sprint past him, but he caught her arm and spun her back around to face him.

“Tori. What’s going on?” He put on his best ‘how-could-you-keep-secrets-from-me?’ wounded stare.

Chewing on her lower lip, she flicked her eyes from his face to the safety of the classroom across the hall before finally relenting with a dramatic exhale. “Okay. But don’t tell her I told you! I happen to like having my head attached to the rest of my body.”

“Got it.” Wow, the old Jade would have totally milked the heartbroken ex card for all it was worth to guilt him into taking her back. She must be having a really hard time, if she was making Tori promise not to tell anyone about it. Was it wrong that the thought of Jade being miserable over their breakup (that was totally and completely her own fault) made him a little happy inside?

“Jade…kind of…” Fiddling with her sparkly purple backpack strap, Tori ducked her head and mumbled something unintelligible.

“What?” Misses me?

“She’sgoingoutwithaboytomorrownightokaybye!” Practically spit-balling the words at him, Tori yanked her arm out of his grip and made a run for it, almost slipping as she careened into the safety of her classroom and slammed the door behind her.

“Wait…what?”

Jade—dating? Dating someone else? Someone that wasn’t him? No, he must have heard wrong. Or misunderstood somehow…this couldn’t be true. Jade hated everyone at this school, except for him and maybe Andre. No way was she dating someone else, because if she were, then she would be ready to—to what? Get over him?No. Jade missed him. Jade was upset and heartbroken and definitely not over him. Definitely not.

Beck had never seen anyone wear polka dot pants, Birkenstocks, a traffic-cone-orange button-down, suspenders, and what looked like Enjolras’ vest from the stage version of Les Miserables in one outfit before—or at least, not until now.

“Okay, kiddos, it’s time for a little Theatre History—try not to get too EXCITED!” Chuckling to himself for reasons Beck wasn’t sure he wanted to know, Sikowitz skipped over to his whiteboard. Spinning it around, he gestured to a complex-looking diagram scribbled in green marker. “We’ll begin with the Greeks, since they were the first civilization that we know of to put cultural emphasis on the type of public performance that we refer to today as acting. Let’s hope it’s not all Greek to ya!”

Letting out a high-pitched giggle from the second row, Cat nudged Jade with her elbow. “Ohmygosh, Jade! It’s funny because they’re from—“

“I know what he means.” Jade deadpanned.

As Sikowitz droned on about Thespis and the Festival of Dionysus, Beck couldn’t help but stare at Jade. Instead of furiously taking notes like Robbie, or ignoring the lesson completely in favor of examining her split ends like Cat, she leaned back in her chair and kept her eyes on Sikowitz. Every so often, she’d give a tiny little smile, as if she was enjoying the lecture…even though Beck was almost positive she already knew everything their teacher was saying.

Jade prided herself on memorizing the history of her craft. Back when they had been dating, she’d loved ranting about the use of puppets in Chinese theater and the influence of politics on the subject matter of French plays during the seventeenth century. At times the flurry of facts had been boring, but mostly it had just impressed him. Here was someone who really cared, who didn’t limit their knowledge of the craft to memorizing all of the songs in Wicked.

Would she talk about that stuff on her date with this new guy, whoever he was? Would he find it interesting, find her interesting?

Of course he would. Jade West was nothing if not interesting.

Slipping his phone out of his pocket, Beck scrolled down his list of messages, making sure to glance up every so often so Sikowitz wouldn’t get suspicious. When he finally reached the last exchange he’s had with Jade—he’d meant to delete it forever ago, but never had gotten around to actually doing so—he quickly keyed in a simple “Hey, I miss you. What’s up?” and clicked send.

Feeling the pocket of her dark jeans vibrate, Jade expertly waited until Sikowitz had focused his attention on the other side of the classroom before slipping it into her palm. Pursing her lips, she turned to look at Beck, but he dragged his eyes to the front of the room. In his peripheral vision, he watched as she pressed one button harshly with her thumb and then shoved the phone deep into the cavern of her backpack.

Okay. So she wasn’t answering his messages. Fine. Not like he cared.

Another night of no sleep. Rubbing his eyes, Beck recapped all the crazy things he had done in the past for hours to try and tire himself out: jumping jacks, performing an intense monologue from Richard III (complete with dramatic blocking he’d choreographed himself), cleaning his fish tank, organizing his flannel by color…what else was there?!

Maybe he could try hypnotizing himself into falling asleep. Sure. It wouldn’t be a thing if it didn’t work, right? Hm. He needed something to swing back and forth, though. That’s what they always did in the movies. Some of his man jewelry ought to do the trick!

Rifling through his bedside drawer, he grabbed a handful of chains and set to work untangling them. He’d forgotten he’d had this many necklaces. Hey, he hadn’t worn this one in a while! Oh, and this one—

This one.

This little gold ring on a black string. And that one, the matching counterpart that someone had left hanging on his RV door handle the night they’d broken up. And this one: the little typewriter key pendant with a J printed on the face that she’d gifted to him for Christmas. Any of his friends would have seen it as yet another example of crazy possessiveness, but to him, it had been just a way to show everyone that he was hers. And he had been okay with that, because belonging to her was better than having somebody else belong to him.

And, despite all those moments where their relationship had been annoying and inconvenient and embarrassing and unfair and exhausting and painful…he still felt that way. Beck Oliver was still in love with Jade West.

D*** it. He would never be able to fall asleep now.

It had been forever since he’d had a bona-fide “Friday Night Out”, so when Tori had invited him to join her, Andre, Cat, and Robbie for a trip to Karaoke-Dokie, he’d agreed almost immediately. He’d even refrained from asking why Jade hadn’t been included, though it was clear from the way Tori had bitten her lip awkwardly that she had been expecting him to bring it up. It was imperative that he kept the fact that he still had feelings for his ex under wraps from everyone, especially Tori. As much as he loved having her for a friend, he had to admit that she got involved in everyone’s personal business way too often.

“Having fun!?” Andre shouted over the sound of Cat belting “It’s Raining Men.”

“Fantastic.” Gulping down his cup of—what was it? Strawberry something or other—Beck tried to pretend that the neon pink and blue lights flashing everywhere weren’t giving him a headache. This was supposed to be fun. “I think I might need some air, though. A little crowded in here.”

“Know what you mean.” Clapping him on the shoulder, Andre gave him a warm grin. “Just text me if you have trouble getting back in.”

“Thanks. Hey, while I’m gone.” Slinging an arm around him, Beck jerked his chin in the direction of the stage. “You should ask Tori to do a duet. Like a love song.”

“You think?” Swallowing heavily, Andre let his gaze fall on the pretty Latina, who was currently bouncing around with Robbie like she was on a sugar high. A piece of her shiny hair was caught in one of her hoop earrings, and her smile was as bright as summertime. “I didn’t really prepare anything.”

“Just wing it.” Smirking, Beck gave him a wink before turning and speed walking out the front door, inhaling deeply when the cool night air finally embraced him. God, he loved nighttime. For some reason, when the sky got dark, it seemed like everything became less messy and real. Which was probably why it was a good idea for Andre to go after Tori now, rather than when they were all back at school on Monday. Maybe the mysticism of the night would convince the two to finally give in to their attraction for one another. He sure hoped so.

Stepping onto the vacant sidewalk, he took the opportunity to breathe in deeply twice more, loving the relief of fresh oxygen filling his lungs. Glancing to his left, he jerked, startled—he wasn’t alone. There, on the street corner a few feet away, black waves cascading over porcelain cheeks and iceberg eyes glued to the phone in her hand, was the vision that had been haunting him for months.

“Jade?” his voice croaked.

Snapping her head in his direction, an expression of genuine surprise colored her features. “Beck? What are you doing here?”

“We, um. The gang went out. Karaoke. Tori set it up,” He answered absently. At the moment, he was completely and totally distracted by just how good she looked. Instead of her usual black, her curves were draped in a tight-fitting blue dress, the hue just a couple of shades darker than her eye color. A pair of nude pumps with a generous platform had replaced the combat boots she always wore, probably borrowed from Cat. Her makeup routine looked the same from this far away, but she must have done something different, because she looked...softer, somehow.

“Can you not stare at me? It’s creepy.” And there it was—that glare he knew and loved.

Stepping forward, he cleared his throat. “You look amazing.”

A snort was her reply. “This took two hours to get together. I’d better look amazing.”

Looking around, he noticed that they were definitely the only ones out here tonight. But he still asked, just to make sure: “Are you all by yourself?”

“No!” Crossing her arms, she took a step back, shifting from one foot to the other. “My date parked his car a couple of blocks away.”

Date? Oh, right.

“Oh. Cool.” Not cool. Shoving his hands into his pockets, Beck pretended to be nonchalant. Acting was his thing, after all. “So, where are you two going? Anywhere fun?” Somewhere we used to go?

“None of your business!” Clenching her hands into fists, she turned away.

“Well…if you want, I can drive you. To wherever.” The passenger seat’s still the way you left it.

“It’s fine. He didn’t want me to walk that far, so he had me wait here until he picks me up and takes me home.” Tossing her hair, she smiled in that way that made it hard to tell whether she was sarcastic and annoyed or sincere and amused.

“You’re going home?” Why would anyone want to take you home when you look like that? I’d want to show you off all night.

She didn’t say it out loud, but the look on her face clearly read: c***.

“So, you didn’t have a good time?” As hard as he tried, he knew perfectly well that she could hear the glee coating his words.

“I had a great time! I just wanted to…forget it. Go away.” Dabbing at her concealer, she took another step away from him.

He’d been right! She was just as miserable without him as he’d been without her! And now he had the chance to fix everything between them. Not that it would be hard, since she still had feelings for him too.

“If you want to ditch this guy, I can always give you a ride, Jade.”

“It’s FINE, Beck! Leave it alone!” Keeping her eyes on her phone, she flinched as he moved in closer.

“Come on, Jade. It’s not a big deal—”

“Beck, STOP.”

“What? I’m just trying to help you out.”

“Well, don’t!” Her voice wasn’t as sharp as he was used to it being. In fact, it sounded kind of pleading, definitely un-Jade-like. Obviously their breakup had messed with her on a deeper level then she’d originally let on.

“Just let me drive you home.”

“Beck—”

“Jade…”

“No!” Suddenly, her fingers were twisted in his shirt, and their faces were inches apart. But…not in a way he’d like. Instead of drawing him closer, pressing their lips together, she was shoving him backwards, forcing him away from her. Rage burst from her eyes like fireworks, and her mouth was twisted in a manner that was somehow ugly and beautiful at the same time. In the past, he’d often said that Jade had been the only girl he knew who was able to look extremely hot and extremely terrifying simultaneously, and now was no exception.

“My date and I are going home because I want to be alone with him!”

“Um…what?”

Huffing, she stomped her foot (surprisingly, with very little difficulty—those shoes had to be at least five inches. How did girls do it?). “Oh my GOD, Beck! Are you stupid?!”

Wait a minute…

“You don’t like him, do you?” Panic rose in his throat. She wanted to be alone with this guy. For a reason. A reason she didn’t want to share. What was she going to do? Introduce him to her parents? Share all her secrets with him? Kiss him? More than kiss him?

“Don’t make me hurt you. Because you know I will.” She wouldn't, but that was beside the point. The warning tone in her voice was a dead giveaway, and it made his stomach somersault and his throat burn. This was not what was supposed to happen.

A beep tore through the darkness as a gray Honda Civic pulled up to the curb opposite them. This guy, whoever he was, had great timing. The windows were tinted, so he couldn’t catch a glimpse of the driver in the front seat. Not that he wanted to.

“I’ve got to go.” Straightening her spine, Jade sashayed across the street and over to the vehicle, sliding into the passenger seat without a backwards glance.

All he could do was watch her leave.

It had been three days since Jade had left him standing on a street corner, and Beck had been completely unsuccessful in discovering the identity of her phantom lover. The rumor mill at school hadn’t even touched on the idea that Jade West could possibly be dating anyone. Andre and Robbie had promised that they were just as clueless as he was. Tori had clammed up out of respect for the “girl code”, something even a desperate man like him knew not to try and argue with. And trying to bribe Cat into giving up the dude’s name by promising her a Costco-worthy size bag of Bibble had been futile. There was only one thing left to do: it was time to make Jade West jealous.

Part of him was positive that this would be the easiest thing in the world—after all, he often made Jade envious of other girls without even trying. A more sensible part, however, realized that things were different now. This breakup had lasted longer than any of the prior ones. Jade hadn’t made any effort to get him back or even be “just friends” with him. He had never been jealous before. And, worst of all, this was the first time that Jade had seriously refused to get back together in favor of another guy.

If he wanted this to work, he would have to lay it on thick.

Okay, there she was at her locker. Complaining about something to Cat. It would be best to set everything into motion now, just in case he was overthinking things and Jade really didn’t require that huge of a push to come running back to him. All he needed was a girl…

Of course!

Letting a wide yet relaxed smile spread across his face, Beck leaned against the locker of a curly-haired student he recognized as the girl Jade had always ragged on for “showing off” in their salsa class the year before. To be honest, he didn’t see what the fuss was all about—it always seemed to him that she was trying too hard to be sexy, whereas Jade just kind of exuded the sex appeal salsa dancing required—but hey, if she had made his ex jealous before, she would totally be able to do it again.

“Hey, Raquelle. Have a good weekend?” Talk loud enough for her to overhear, but not too loud, or she’ll know.

“Great! Well, okay, I guess. All my friends had stuff going on. So I did get a little lonely…” Grinning at him, Raquelle twisted her neck to one side so that her off-the-shoulder top slid a little further down her arm. He had chosen well.

“Same here. You know, we should hang out sometime.” Classic move. Any minute now, Jade would stomp over, fire off one of her trademark insults, and drag him into the janitor’s closet for a reconciliation.

“Um, dude? Can I talk to you for a second?” Adjusting his glasses, Robbie stepped in between the two of them, his back to Raquelle.

Throwing up a ‘hold that thought’ gesture to the dancer, who wrinkled her nose in response, Beck allowed Robbie to lead him over to the vending machines.

“What’s up, man?”

Squinching up his face like a father watching his son get pummeled at a wrestling match, Robbie leaned in and lowered his voice. “Come on, Beck. I know you’re all wazzed about Jade and this mystery guy, but don’t you think this is kind of sad?”

Excuse him? Who was Robbie Shapiro to call anything he did sad? The kid was a puppeteer, for crying out loud! Not to mention a user of male makeup, self-proclaimed wigmaster, and chronic rejectee from every girl he had ever asked out on a date.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. And I’m not wazzed.” Trying hard not to let his irritation show on his face—play it cool, play it cool—Beck made a move to walk away, only for Robbie’s hand to plant itself in the middle of his chest.

“Going after random girls isn’t going to make Jade want you back. You’re just doing it because you’re jealous that she’s dating someone else, and that’s not fair to her or any of the people you’re flirting with.” Though his friend’s gaze was sympathetic, his tone was firm, almost disciplinary. Behavior that Beck would have expected from Andre, or maybe Tori, but definitely not Robbie. If the situation had been different, he would have gladly congratulated his friend for finally growing a spine.

“I told you—I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Lifting the hand off of him by the wrist, Beck stepped around Robbie only to find that both Raquelle and Jade had vacated the hallway. Dang it. Thanks a LOT, Shapiro.

“You’re being ridiculous!” Robbie cried out from behind, his words like a smack to the back of the head.

“Whatever.” He didn’t even bother turning around. Robbie didn’t understand. Nobody did. Jade wasn’t someone he could just let go. This was going to be just like all the other times they’d broken up and gotten back together, except this time, he was the one making a fool of himself to get her attention. She’d come around, just like he’d always done. She had to.

Tipping the bottle of beer back so that the last few drops released their hold on the bottom and fell onto his tongue, Beck fought to keep Robbie’s words from earlier from invading his thoughts. He wasn’t acting ridiculous. He was just desperate. Wasn’t that the way of men in love?

Grimacing at the sharp, metallic flavor of the alcohol, he wondered when he had become such a cliché. What was next, running around the neighborhood in a wife beater, screaming ‘Stella!’ at every open window?

His parents would kill him if they knew he was drinking. Of course, they would probably just blame it on Jade, like always. Which was funny, because Jade actually hated him when he was drunk. She’d only had to see it happen once, that one time they’d gone to somebody’s New Year’s Eve party and he’d gotten wasted off of tequila shots. The fit she’d thrown the day after—about how inattentive he got when he was inebriated, how he ignored her and nothing he said made any sense and how sloppy he became and she hated sloppy people and being ignored and pointless rambling—had given him a worse headache than the actual hangover, and had been more than enough to make him swear never to do it again.

Until now, of course. God, he missed her. Even the way she’d yell and nag and pick fights.

It was a miracle that he’d been able to drive to her dad’s house this intoxicated without causing an accident. It’s gotta be a sign, a sign that we’re meant to be! After all, if the universe was against them being together, he totally would have gotten stopped by a cop or crashed into a tree or something, right?!

Clambering up the front steps, he swatted at the bell a couple of times before giving up and pounding on the door instead. Gosh, he hoped Jade’s father wasn’t home. This certainly wouldn’t make a very good impression…not that he cared what Mr. West thought. After all, Jade never had. Were those footsteps? Come on, open the door! Openopenopenopenopen—

“Oh my god. Are you kidding me right now?!”

“I wanted to see you,” he blurted. Why did his tongue feel so in the way? And the inside of his mouth tasted like an old sock...

Lowering her voice to a hiss, Jade yanked the door towards herself so only her head was peeking out of the threshold. Probably so he wouldn’t notice her fluffy black bathrobe—too late. “Well, I don’t want to see you. We BROKE UP, Beck!”

“Why wouldn’t you want to see me?” What did he do to make her mad?

A bitter laugh popped out from between her lips. “Why?! Because you’re drunk, on my doorstep, at two in the freaking morning. Because you’ve been stalking me for days. Even Sinjin thinks it’s weird!”

Oh please. As always, she was taking things and blowing them up into her own personal soap opera. “I’m not stalking you, Jade, I just miss you!”

Flinging the door open, she came at him in a flurry of sharp nails and terry cloth. Even with the alcohol dulling his reflexes, it took him less than a second to leap backwards off the porch. Jade didn’t pursue him, just stood there fuming in her bathrobe and—were those bunny slippers?

“You don’t get to miss me, you jacka**! You broke up with me. And…and it doesn’t matter if you do, because I don’t miss you anymore!” Her sneer morphed into an odd grin that was, in true Jade style, both gorgeous and disturbing. “You were right, our relationship was screwed up and broken and a big fat mess. But we’re not together anymore, which means that I can do whatever I want, and I don’t need your permission to do it.”

Eyes gleaming, she threw out her arms and he flinched. “For a long time, I thought losing you was the worst thing that could ever happen. But it did, and the sky didn’t fall, the world didn’t burn, and I’m not miserable. I don’t need you to feel like I’m worth a damn. So don’t tell me how good I look, or how much you miss me, or how lonely you are. I. Don’t. CARE. You’re sad, and pathetic, and creepy, and guess what? That’s all on you! The only reason you’re alone is because you chose to be alone. And if you’re sorry, than keep it to yourself. It’s too late. Now GO. HOME.”

And with that, she gave the door the most abusive slam she possibly could, letting the reverb shudder the porch and cause the neighbor’s cars parked in the street to start blaring their alarms.

It was over. They were over. He’d screwed up immeasurably. There was no chance of fixing it, of fixing them. Never in a million years did he think Jade could penetrate every single layer of his personality and burn all the hope he had left. But she had. And it hurt.

As he stumbled off her porch and into the street, Beck tried to keep from freaking out, with little success. What was he going to do? Everyone at school, including him, had always thought that Jade West would be nothing without Beck Oliver. That it was his charm and charisma that made her the popular and envied figure she had become. But the speech she’d just given him had proved that Jade was Jade, and she always would be, whether she was dating or single or popular or an outcast. Instead of Jade losing herself because of their breakup, it was him who was lost.

He didn’t know how to be himself if he didn’t have her.

There was only one way he would make it out of this. She wanted him to keep things to himself? Fine. Done. He’d keep it all—the pain, the suffering, the loneliness. Being an open book, a transparent window wasn’t going to cut it anymore. If he was going to survive this, he had to create a new Beck Oliver, one that kept secrets and hid his feelings without letting anyone know he was doing it. Without letting her know. And he would succeed. He was an actor, remember? If this was the way Jade wanted their script to go, then fine.

It didn’t matter that this was a role he’d never wanted to play.

**Author's Note:**

> GUYS I STILL SHIP 100% BADE I PROMISE and I love that they got back together in the end!!! I just have a lot of feelings about everybody blaming Jade's jealousy for the breakup when Beck also had some unhealthy tendencies in the relationship and I wanted to explore his downward spiral in a way the show didn't. I wrote this forever ago but I really liked it and wanted to post it anyway sooo....


End file.
